onthebeatntrack

I was counselled this week – and in keeping with my sometime honesty policy, not for the first time on this subject – that I should aim for more ‘brevity’. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I had to ask my new housemate Pedro (also known as Dad) what this word means (though at seven letters it wouldn’t be ridiculous to consider this a ‘big word’, surely?). Brevity apparently means to be brief or, when directed at me:

• stop making so many irrelevant diversions
• try to get to the ACTUAL topic in less than 5 paragraphs
• aim for a maximum of one semi-relevant diversion per post
• information in list form is probably ok

Feedback can be important and we must listen to it … and then do our best to prove wrong the bitch that disses yo’ style. So, this will be my first attempt at a nuuu styaarrrle of a more concise humorous wordsmithery (the conciseness being the new addition – obviously humour is like part of the well worn yet modern furniture around here, yes?! YYEEESSSS??!!!)

So today, I’m going to pretend that your eyes and brain are twins and my words are speed dating them both. I’ll need to turn on the charm and work my magic quickly – all going well you’ll want even more words later in the evening and send a booty call to the verbosity that is onthebeatntrack (just so you know, the answer will be yes – reeeooowww). Yeah, I’ll try to keep you wanting more, that’s what I’ll do … maybe after the next paragraph …

Although HIGHLY unlikely, it’s ok if our speed date doesn’t work out because there’s lots of single music fun to be had in Wordland and I’m going to prove it to you today.

(And entering paragraph #5 here comes the ACTUAL topic) After Mad Dog accused me of selectively editing my ‘embarrassing moments’ from my short guilty pleasures list, I responded that I would give you a list of my GOD KNOWS HOW MANY CD singles that I’ve purchased over the years – including some potentially shameful confessions. Meanwhile, never mind my carbon footprint, it’s my CD Caseprint that is likely to be my horrible legacy on the environment – as if the Great Garbage Patch isn’t big enough already! (Don’t know what I’m talking about … spend 2.5 mins watching this link – SCARY stuff). So, as a man of my suddenly-wannabe-concise word, today I’m giving you an insight into my past.

As I tapped the titles down on the keyboard, it became clear that there were a few categories that the singles could fall into:

1. Twice as Nice (but twice the price): songs that I’ve paid for two times – once in CD single form, followed by the album said single appeared on
2. 6 of the Colonel’s (no longer secret) Idols and Spices: Singles that feature any of the spice girls (yes, apparently I own more than one …) or past Idol contestants
3. OMG, did he really just say that?!: Potentially shameful purchases (surely to be your opinion, but not necessarily mine – but as I’ve insincerely said once or twice, this site is ‘yours’ and MINE …)
4. Would repurchase for original sale price (or readopt from an African country if required): Singles that I am would be proud to say are my children (and some may even bolster my credibility following your review of the previous two categories)
5. Not Unwise Purchases (different to wise): CD singles that I don’t dislike but I’m glad I didn’t fork out for the entire album and/ or CD singles that I’ve purchased for $2 or less.

Twice as Nice (but twice the price) 

• Killing me Softly – Fugees
• Blast Off – Danielle Spencer
• Hole in the Head – Sugababes
• Ray of Light – Madonna
• Just the thing – Paul Mac featuring Peta Morris
• Breathe – Prodigy
• Just a Girl – No Doubt
• Frontin’ – Pharrell Williams featuring Jay-Z
• Believe Me – Fort Minor
• Get UR Freak On – Missy Elliott
• Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson

6 of the Colonels (no longer secret) Idols and Spices

• When You’re Gone – Brian Adams & Melanie C
• Never Be the Same Again – Mel C & Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes
• Out of Your Mind – Truesteppers and Dane Bowers featuring Victoria Beckham
• Your Game – Will Young
• Sunshine – Ricki Lee
• Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson

OMG, did he really say that?!

• Do Ya Think I’m Sexy – N-Trance featuring Rod Stewart
• Kiss Me – Sixpence None the Richer
• This is how we Party – S.O.A.P.
• Son of a Gun – Janet Jackson
• Don’t you Know who I am – Happyland
• Tourniquet – Marilyn Manson
• Have a Look – Vanessa Amorosi
• Gotta Get Thru This – Daniel Beddingfield

Would repurchase for original sale price (or readopt from an African country if required)

• What About Us? – Brandy
• Put the Needle On It – Dannii Minogue
• The Block Party – Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes
• Sour Girl – Stone Temple Pilots
• 1 Thing – Amerie
• Insomnia – Faithless
• Avalon – Juliet
• Girlfriend – *Nsync featuring Nelly
• Sick with Love – Robyn Loau
• City Rules – Daniel Merriweather
• No Scrubs – TLC

Not Unwise Purchases (different to wise)

• Unforgiveable Sinner – Lene Marlin
• Scandalous – Mis-Teeq
• Celebrity Skin – Hole
• Manila – Seelenluft featuring Michael Smith
• Rapture – Iio
• Big Mistake – Natalie Imbruglia
• If You Had My Love – Jennifer Lopez
• Deeper Water – Deadstarr
• Put ‘em High – Stonebridge
• Never Leave You – Lumidee
• Sit on my Hands – Frente
• Push It – Garbage
• Give in to Me – Rogue Traders
• I’m Real – Jennifer Lopez (purchased for the Ja Rule remix)
• I Love My Bitch – Busta Rhymes (purchased for the Touch It remix)
• Shakedown – At Night (purchased for the Mousse T’s Feel Much Better Mix)
• Push Up – Freestylers

A special mention must go to my copy of The Boy Is Mine by Brandy and Monica, which is no longer in my possession – RIP baby(s). Special thanks to Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins for that awesome track … AND that segues BEWDIFULEE into a nice little semi relevant diversion (the rules say I am allowed one, I’ll try to keep it ‘brief’) …

Other awesome songs by Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins … aside from Brandy and Monica’s bitchin’ battle, there are r’n’b flavoured gems-a-plenty! I would feel disrespectful if I didn’t put “Darkchild” between Rodney and Jerkins – after all, he is the best name checkerer since Craig “Creg David 7 days, check it out” David – in each of the songs he has produced you can hear him drop the “Darkchild” in somewhere. Anyway I remembered that I’m watching the wordcount, so here they are:

• Telephone – Lady Gaga with Beyonce
• What About Us? – Brandy
• If You Had My Love – Jennifer Lopez
• Say My Name – Destiny’s Child
• It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay – Whitney Houston
• Holler – Spice Girls
• He Wasn’t Man Enough – Toni Braxton
• Enough Cryin – Mary J Blige (from the awesome the Breakthrough)

OMG, FREE STUFF, OMG, FREE STUFF: In this phase of ‘downsizing’ my life, I’m feeling generous (and lazy) and in a bid to reduce my own CD Caseprint, I’m willing to give ANY of the aforementioned CD Singles over to a loving new home. Just leave me a comment and tell me which one you want. Please, help me make some of these not unwise purchases even less unwise …